GOHMERT WEDS DOG IN SECRET CEREMONY

Washington, DC – Louie Gohmert, 61-year-old U.S. Congressman from Texas, wed a stray dog as part of a Republican ritual to ward off the "evil eye" of the Jews and blacks, declaring himself “embarrassed” for being a Jew or a black himself and Republican at the same time, said to his family in Texas, The Dallas Morning News reported Wednesday. Mr. Gohmert’s upper teeth appeared before his lower teeth when he was born - considered a bad omen by members of the Texas State Election Commission, to which Gohmert was so closely tied. 

Members of the Washington Press Corps said in a report from Congressional House Speaker, John Boehner (a closet homosexual), and, a lover of Karl Rove and Gohmert, said Gohmert married and conjugated the dog only to "remove the evil eye," a superstitious Republican belief that some misfortune could befall him and the family, and that he would not be free to marry a man later. 

Friends and family participated in three days of the secret traditional ceremonies and festivities that include bestiality and child slavery both being a part of the Republican tribal marriages in general, said, according to the reports from the Cato Institute, the Heritage Foundation, the Rutherford Institute and "C Street".

LINDSEY GRAHAM DELAWARE ARRESTED FOR DELAWARE SERIAL VOMIT DUMPING - "SELF-PORTRAITS" - SEE BELOW MANY FACES OF LINDSEY GRAHAM: (AKA SCREAMING MIMI)

WILMINGTON, DE – Brandywine Valley County police were stuck in the middle of a less than appetizing investigation. Investigators were trying to find the person who has dumped bags of what appears to be human vomit in ditches in a 1 1/2-mile area northeast of the City of Wilmington.

Police Officer Dan Wesley said, “As many as 50 garbage and trash bags containing regurgitated food have been dumped over the past three years… Bags, ranging in size from small white trash bags to large black lawn bags, which were overflowing with the substance in them,” Wesley said.

"It's pretty weird," he said. "It's pretty unusual even for us… we are used to corpses and other forensic stuff, but we haven't worked anything like this before."

A sample was taken from one of the bags and sent to a private lab for analysis.

"We have checked the DNA reports," he said, “and there is only one suspect in the case.”

"We were just hoping... Senator Lindsey Graham, SC has allegedly been doing this, and it would stop," Wesley said. An FBI investigation that is required for this large, strange case.” 

In a teleconference call, Graham was defiant and on the defensive, “I realize littering even on a highway is a nuisance, but the peasants have to eat! As Senator of South Carolina, I intend to continue my generosity. My bosses, the Koch Brothers are wholly behind this idea and think it’s a good initiative and food for the rest of the mud people, like Obama. But don’t quote me.”

SOUTHERN BAPTIST MINISTER, FORMER ARKANSAS GOVERNOR, AND FORMER FOX NEWS COMMENTATOR MIKE DALE HUCKABEE 'HONORED' TO PERFORM GAY WEDDINGS

Mike Huckabee's recent public remarks regarding what he sees as a "softening of the GOP's gay marriage stance," stating that he, Huckabee, would leave the party is his own attempt to place the spotlight on others, rather than his own secret "Closet Queen" activities.

Little Rock, AK The Arkansas Journal & Constitution reported recently that Southern Baptist Minister, former Arkansas Governor, and former Fox News Commentator Mike Huckabee told a judicial panel that he knew the faith's position on gay marriage, yet felt compelled and called by God and his conscience to call the unions between lesbian and gay couples marriage anyway having experienced a similar situation himself.

Former Governor of Arkansas of Hope, AK. is charged with official misconduct for officiating at the ceremonies in 2004 through 2014. The constitution of the Southern Baptist Church, (USA) reserves marriage for a man and a woman, although ministers may bless other types of "holy unions."

He added, “What’s good enough for me is good enough for them.”

"I don't care what your sexual orientation is, what's most important to me is what you call it,” Huckabee said. ”They said 'marriage' and I was honored to do their 'marriage,' so they would not be seen as second-class in any way, look at me, I’m very happy in the closet..."(The marriage in question is a “first” between a gay polygamists, Tom Cotton, AK; Lindsey Graham, SC; and Mitch “Scotty” McConnell, KY).

Closing arguments in the trial are scheduled for Friday. The seven-member commission could render a decision or recess to consider the charges.

AN ORDINARY SUNDAY STROLL IN THE PARK... (THE ALMOST VICE PRESIDENT) - A CLASS ACT ALL THE WAY

On September 6th, Sarah Palin and her family were allegedly involved in a huge 20-person, alcohol-fueled brawl. Reportedly, Palin, screamed, “do you know who I am?” along with profanities, while punches were being thrown. A recent report from a “source close to the Palin family” confirmed that the brawl did go down, although a few details were different, but that the Palins didn’t start the fight.

The former half-term governor and failed vice presidential candidate hasn’t spoken about the incident herself but the source close to the family told Real Clear Politics that yes, several Palin family members did attend the party. So did several snowmobile racers.

Coincidentally, the party was held on Todd Palin’s 50th birthday, but it was not in his honor.

According to eyewitnesses, the fight started when Sarah Palin’s son Track confronted his sister Willow’s ex-boyfriend. The Palins claim it was the ex who started it.

The initial tussle occurred, the source said, after the young man in question “tried to get in” to the Hummer limousine after he’d engaged in some unspecified “questionable behavior.”

Track Palin soon found himself struggling to fend off four men who had “piled on him,” according to the source.

Todd Palin then inserted himself into the brawl, which left the former “First Dude” of Alaska bleeding.

Next, it was Sarah Palin’s turn to leave her own mark on the most talked about rumble in Anchorage since the 1964 earthquake.

Source: Real Clear Politics

While eyewitnesses claimed Sarah screamed, “do you know who I am?” the source claimed that she was actually talking about her son, saying, “don’t you know who he is? He’s a vet?”

The source, giving credibility to the fact that they were speaking for the Palin family, said that Palin was in full “mama grizzly mode” that night, defending her kids.

Track left the party with four cracked ribs. Todd was bloody, but no one is pressing charges.