"GOVERNOR" CHRISTIE'S SECRET LOVE LIFE: AND... EXCLUSIVE... PAYING OFF FRIENDS FOR FUN AND FROLIC (SCREW THE STATE BUDGET)

8th DISTRICT, OHIO: C-STREET: JOHN ANDREW BOEHNER

MARIJUANA + COCAINE PACKAGE MAILED TO SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER WITHOUT ADDRESS

Cincinnati, OH   - A man who allegedly mailed a one hundred package of marijuana and 110 kilos of cocaine without an address label on the package was arrested after authorities returned it to its sender.

Speaker of House, John Andrew Boehner, 65, was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of drug possession, and for sale. Investigators found another 100 pounds of marijuana worth over one million dollars at his home and 110 kilos of cocaine, hiding in his basement, saying only it came from the dead to sell and to make gifts to his Republican friends in congress, declaring, “This shit should last us awhile… well… maybe not.” The sale, said Det. Randy Cunningham of the Cincinnati Major Crimes Task Force.

The private Dubai Ports World shipping company, partly owned by Neil Bush, the former president’s brother is the company where Boehner tried to mail the package on Oct. 12, 2014. Following company protocol, DPW opened the package to see whether the label was accidentally sealed inside, Cunningham said.

"Once they opened it up and saw what was inside, they immediately called Governor John Kasich knowing the Governor would be interested in both using the drugs and selling it”. Local law enforcement was to take charge of the deal, Cunningham said.

Governor Kasich said he was not sure whether Boehner forgot to affix the address label considering where he presently resides, C-Street, or it fell off, but it had a return address on it that led to Boehner. He was booked into Cincinnati County Jail and posted bail.

JAPANESE HAIKU

John Boehner is in a rut,

His wife, Dick Cheney is a little slut.

Or:

John Boehner is in a rut,

His wife, Sean Hannity is a little slut.

Or:

John Boehner is in a rut,

His wife, Rush Limbaugh is a little slut.

Or:

John Boehner is in a rut,

His wife, Rupert Murdoch is a little slut.

Or:

John Boehner is in a rut,

His wife,  [place name here] is a little slut.

QUESTION:

When John Boehner gets out of bed in the morning… pecks his wife, wrenches his eyes with his fist, and crawls to the bathroom and says:

“WHY THE HELL DO I EXIST? I DON’T SAY ANYTHING; I DON’T DO ANYTHING… I’M LOCK STEP LIKE A MARIONETTE IN A PUNCH AND JUDY SHOW…WHY THE HELL DO I EXIST?”

"THE EDIFICATION" - VIDEO GAME

SCENE: A GOLF COURSE

OBJECT: TO BLOW UP JOHN BOEHNER

About 300 yards away stands John Boehner in tutu.

You are at the tee with a pyramid of golf balls. You select your club.

Your first goal is to hit Boehner’s belly button. When you do, his pants drop off. (He is flaccid).         

From then on, your mission, if you decide to accept it, is to hit THE TOP BALL. When you do, you need a hook shot to have the ball go up Boehner's ass. Every time a ball goes Boehner's ass, he gets bloated and relaxes at bit, but his body expands a bit.

Every time your shot hits Boehner's balls, his cheeks blow up like Dizzy Gillespie.

Eventually, the more the balls are hit the faster the game becomes.

Eventually he explodes, (the object of the game).

Game over.

MICE ARE KEY TOOL IN QUEST FOR NEW DRUGS – 
JUST ASK JOHN ANDREW BOEHNER...

Cincinnati OH - When it comes to the price of mice, you pay more for defects. A mouse with arthritis runs close to $200; two pairs of epileptic mice can cost 10 times that. You want three blind mice? That'll run you about $250. And for your own custom mouse, with the genetic modification of your choosing, expect to pay as much as $100,000. Speaker of the House, John Andrew Boehner can well afford them.

Always a mainstay of scientific research, mice have become a critical tool in the quest for new drugs and medical treatments, and according to Boehner, “Mighty good eating. I can tell you. I likes' ‘em, so will you.”

It turns out that a mouse's genes are so similar to a person's that with proper manipulation - either by man or nature - they can produce an animal with an ailment akin to virtually any human medical condition.

Boehner declares, “If I can’t eat and savor human body parts, a mouse tastes almost as good, although you need much more of them. And, of course, each defect has a different and distinctive flavor.”

As many as 25 million mice are now used in experiments each year - where do they come from? And where do they go?

From the mouse industry, of course…

There are many vendors: The Jackson Laboratory, a nonprofit supplier in Bar Harbor, Maine, ships more than 2 million a year mostly to Mr. Boehner, (A mainstay in placating Tea Party caucus).

Yet the mouse business is a challenging one. What was once a relatively simple business of breeding and shipping animals has become an extremely challenging enterprise that requires cutting-edge technology and a mastery of difficult logistics, says Boehner, but “Lots of fun… I love boil them live and whole, fry them, and serve them to my family and friends, or for a special treat, swallow them alive. Rick Scott, my husband, likes to place them in his rectum and calls it his wiggle room.”

“BOEHNER’S FAMOUS QUOTE” 

I was watching the election returns, the other night… Had my headphones on… Talking on the telephone… Eating a slice of pizza… Playing with myself… And reading…

I looked towards the window, and right before my very eyes – THE BIGGEST ROACH THAT EVER EXISTED!

I watched him crawl so slowly slinking ever - so closely next to my bed. I was intrigued and impressed with his POWER! He was THAT BIG!

So I caught him, killed him, and ate him.

PAID IN FULL, 

WELL...

WHAT IS KNOWN IN PUBLIC...