MARIJUANA + COCAINE PACKAGE MAILED TO SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER WITHOUT ADDRESS
Cincinnati, OH - A man who allegedly mailed a one hundred package of marijuana and 110 kilos of cocaine without an address label on the package was arrested after authorities returned it to its sender.
Speaker of House, John Andrew Boehner, 65, was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of drug possession, and for sale. Investigators found another 100 pounds of marijuana worth over one million dollars at his home and 110 kilos of cocaine, hiding in his basement, saying only it came from the dead to sell and to make gifts to his Republican friends in congress, declaring, “This shit should last us awhile… well… maybe not.” The sale, said Det. Randy Cunningham of the Cincinnati Major Crimes Task Force.
The private Dubai Ports World shipping company, partly owned by Neil Bush, the former president’s brother is the company where Boehner tried to mail the package on Oct. 12, 2014. Following company protocol, DPW opened the package to see whether the label was accidentally sealed inside, Cunningham said.
"Once they opened it up and saw what was inside, they immediately called Governor John Kasich knowing the Governor would be interested in both using the drugs and selling it”. Local law enforcement was to take charge of the deal, Cunningham said.
Governor Kasich said he
was not sure whether Boehner forgot to affix the address label considering
where he presently resides, C-Street, or it fell off, but it had a return address
on it that led to Boehner. He was booked into Cincinnati County Jail and posted
bail.
JAPANESE HAIKU
John Boehner is in a rut,
His wife, Dick Cheney is a
little slut.
Or:
John Boehner is in a rut,
His wife, Sean Hannity is a
little slut.
Or:
John Boehner is in a rut,
His wife, Rush Limbaugh is
a little slut.
Or:
John Boehner is in a rut,
His wife, Rupert Murdoch is a little slut.
Or:
John Boehner is in a rut,
His wife, [place name
here] is a little slut.
When John Boehner gets out of bed in the morning… pecks his wife, wrenches his eyes with his fist, and crawls to the bathroom and says:
“BOEHNER’S
FAMOUS QUOTE”
I was watching the election returns, the other night… Had my headphones on… Talking on the telephone… Eating a slice of pizza… Playing with myself… And reading…
I looked towards the window, and right before my very eyes – THE BIGGEST ROACH THAT EVER EXISTED!
I watched him crawl so slowly slinking ever - so closely next to my bed. I was intrigued and impressed with his POWER! He was THAT BIG!
QUESTION:
When John Boehner gets out of bed in the morning… pecks his wife, wrenches his eyes with his fist, and crawls to the bathroom and says:
“WHY
THE HELL DO I EXIST? I DON’T SAY ANYTHING; I DON’T DO ANYTHING… I’M
LOCK STEP LIKE A MARIONETTE IN A PUNCH AND JUDY SHOW…WHY THE HELL DO I EXIST?”
"THE EDIFICATION" - VIDEO GAME
SCENE: A GOLF COURSE
OBJECT: TO BLOW UP JOHN BOEHNER
About 300 yards away stands John Boehner in tutu.
You are at the tee with a pyramid of golf balls. You
select your club.
Your first goal is to hit Boehner’s belly button. When
you do, his pants drop off. (He is flaccid).
From then on, your mission, if you decide to accept it,
is to hit THE TOP BALL. When you do, you need a hook shot to have the ball go
up Boehner's ass. Every time a ball goes Boehner's ass, he gets bloated and
relaxes at bit, but his body expands a bit.
Every time your shot hits Boehner's balls, his cheeks
blow up like Dizzy Gillespie.
Eventually, the more the balls are hit the faster the
game becomes.
Eventually he explodes, (the object of the game).
Game over.
MICE
ARE KEY TOOL IN QUEST FOR NEW DRUGS –
JUST ASK JOHN ANDREW BOEHNER...
JUST ASK JOHN ANDREW BOEHNER...
Cincinnati OH - When it comes to the price
of mice, you pay more for defects. A mouse with arthritis runs close to $200;
two pairs of epileptic mice can cost 10 times that. You want three blind mice?
That'll run you about $250. And for your own custom mouse, with the genetic
modification of your choosing, expect to pay as much as $100,000. Speaker of
the House, John Andrew Boehner can well afford them.
Always a mainstay of scientific research,
mice have become a critical tool in the quest for new drugs and medical
treatments, and according to Boehner, “Mighty good eating. I can tell you. I
likes' ‘em, so will you.”
It turns out that a mouse's genes are so
similar to a person's that with proper manipulation - either by man or nature -
they can produce an animal with an ailment akin to virtually any human medical
condition.
Boehner declares, “If I can’t eat and
savor human body parts, a mouse tastes almost as good, although you need much
more of them. And, of course, each defect has a different and distinctive
flavor.”
As many as 25 million mice are now used in
experiments each year - where do they come from? And where do they go?
From the mouse industry, of course…
There are many vendors: The Jackson
Laboratory, a nonprofit supplier in Bar Harbor, Maine, ships more than 2
million a year mostly to Mr. Boehner, (A mainstay in placating Tea Party
caucus).
Yet the mouse business is a challenging
one. What was once a relatively simple business of breeding and shipping
animals has become an extremely challenging enterprise that requires
cutting-edge technology and a mastery of difficult logistics, says Boehner, but
“Lots of fun… I love boil them live and whole, fry them, and serve them to my
family and friends, or for a special treat, swallow them alive. Rick Scott,
my husband, likes to place them in his rectum and calls it his wiggle room.”
I was watching the election returns, the other night… Had my headphones on… Talking on the telephone… Eating a slice of pizza… Playing with myself… And reading…
I looked towards the window, and right before my very eyes – THE BIGGEST ROACH THAT EVER EXISTED!
I watched him crawl so slowly slinking ever - so closely next to my bed. I was intrigued and impressed with his POWER! He was THAT BIG!
So I caught him, killed him, and ate him.
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